It can be difficult to talk to a child about a heart event or diagnosis, treatments, the prognosis, and the possible changes that may occur in your family as a result.
Parents have said that they sometimes avoid these conversations because they are feeling unsure of what to say, they are not feeling emotionally ready, or they believe their child is too young to understand.
Although these reasons are understandable, it is recommended children be informed about a parent or a guardian’s heart condition and be offered the opportunity to be involved in the recovery process, in an age-appropriate way.
If you are in this situation, here are 10 tips for discussing your heart condition with your child.
1. Prepare
Take time to think about what you want to say to your child, where and when you will talk, and how you will respond to questions your child may ask you. Look to other trusted adults to help work through your own emotions before speaking with your child.
2. Use words and ideas your child can understand
Keep your child’s needs, age, personality, and mood in mind when explaining the heart event or diagnosis. Ask your child if they understand what you told them, and whether they need you to explain something in a different way or if they want more information.
3. Listen and learn
Give your full attention to your child and be open and encouraging. Find out what your child already knows and let your child lead the conversation. If you or your child need a break, come back to the conversation at another time.
4. Use resources
Resources (such as pictures, pamphlets, books, and videos) or props (stuffed animals) may be helpful for starting conversations about your heart event or diagnosis. There are also many online and print resources available that can help guide your conversation, including the University of Ottawa Heart Institute's child-friendly glossary of terms in the Discussing Your Heart Condition with Children and Youth guide.
5. Involve others
It is important to be on the same page with other parents or guardians about what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. It may be possible for a healthcare provider to be present during a discussion with your child.
6. Be honest and comforting
It is important to tell the truth in a gentle and comforting way that is age appropriate. Stick to the facts and reassure the child they will be looked after.
7. Share and support feelings
You can help your child manage big feelings by sharing how you manage your own feelings and by letting them know these feelings are normal. Let your child know they are safe to share their feelings with you when they are ready.
8. Keep a routine and discuss changes
When possible, maintain a regular schedule and routine. Discuss any changes your child may experience in the short term so they are not surprised.
9. Check in
Talking about the heart event or diagnosis with your child may involve more than one conversation. Encourage your child to come to you if they think of new questions.
10. Be kind to yourself
There is no one right way to talk to your child about the heart event or diagnosis. Give yourself the credit you deserve for supporting your child through this difficult time.
Children usually want more information about their parent’s health condition. Remember: Communicating with your child about your condition will likely help you feel better, too.
A team of specialists at the Heart Institute has put together Discussing Your Heart Condition with Children and Youth, a comprehensive guide to help you discuss your heart condition with children and youth.
Download Discussing Your Heart Condition with Children and Youth (PDF)